Rules to live by...

Here's 22 simple rules and insights that if you follow will make so much more comfortable (or at least explain a lot of the crap that goes on anyway).

1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
4. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
7. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
8. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
9. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
10. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
11. Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
12. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get wrong.
13. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
14. You can't have everything, where would you put it?
15. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
16. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
17. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
18. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
19. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
20. A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
    A tax is a fine for doing well.
21. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
22. When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!