These are purported to be actual excerpts from letters sent to councils and housing associations throughout the UK...and Poms think Aussies are uncultured!

 With two nurses in my family (no, I'm NOT one of them!) I thought this was rather funny having experienced many of these vicariously through them!

 

Know any pilots? Did you happen to marry one? (Poor you!!). Well these might help decipher the complex nature of Pilot Philospghy!

Here's another gem from the late 90's that did the rounds. Haven't seen it since, and I thought I'd lost this one too - turned out to be on the same drive I thought was empty that turned up the flying instructions for the F18!! Anyway, now that I have children of my own, this letter below (click "read more") has taken on a fresh perspective.

I can't remember where this came from (probably from a friend of mine who is an RAAF air traffic controller!). I thought I'd lost this little rib-tickler, but I found it again after firing up an old hard drive I thought I'd erased. Enjoy

For anyone who is currently owned by cat, or those who have previously been in servitude to a feline, this one is for you!

49 truly inspired reasons why it is a great thing to be male. Those with a sharp sense of political correctness and not a funny bone in sight, feminists and other such men haters, can skip this one.

1. Blaming your farts on me...... not funny.. not funny at all!
2. Yelling at me for barking........ I'M A DOG YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! WhooooHoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9. Dog sweaters..... Hello?? Haven't you noticed the fur?
10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.

A frined of mine sent this to me via e-mail and I just had to add it to my funny anecdotes :)

1. NUDITY
   I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2. OPINIONS
   On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3. KETCHUP
   A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

4. MORE NUDITY
   A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with nude women grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5. POLICE # 1
   While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?'
   'Yes' I answered and continued writing the report.
   'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?'
   'Yes, that's right,' I told her.
   'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6. POLICE #2
   It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
   'It sure is,' I replied.
   Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7. ELDERLY
   While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8. DRESS-UP
   A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
   'And why not, darling?'
   'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9. DEATH
   While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole an d made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
   The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10. SCHOOL
    A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11. BIBLE
    A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
    'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
    'What have you got there, dear?'
    With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

A man piloting a hot air balloon discovers he has wandered off course and is hopelessly lost. He descends to a lower altitude and locates a man down on the ground. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, about 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"Yes I do," replies the man. "And how did you know that?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "what you told me is technically correct, but of no use to anyone."

The man below says, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, "how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect my immediate help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault!"

This reminds of some employers I've worked for...who shall remain nameless - you know who you are!