Here's another gem from the late 90's that did the rounds. Haven't seen it since, and I thought I'd lost this one too - turned out to be on the same drive I thought was empty that turned up the flying instructions for the F18!! Anyway, now that I have children of my own, this letter below (click "read more") has taken on a fresh perspective.
Fill in where necessary
Thank you for leaving [_] tooth/teeth under your pillow last night.
While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:
(_) the tooth could not be found
(_) it was not a human tooth
(_) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny
(_) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor
(_) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash
(_) the tooth did not originally belong to you
(_) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy
(_) you were age 12 or older at the time your request was received
(_) the tooth is still in your mouth
(_) the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit
(_) the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or were missing
(_) we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:
- [__] string
- [__] pliers
- [__] gunpowder
- [__] hammer marks
- [__] chisel
- [__] part of skull attached to tooth
- [__] no dental care
- [__] other: (specify)..........................................
Instead of the usual cash redemption, we have provided the following certificate which you may attempt to exchange at a retail store near you. Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future.
The Tooth Fairy