Tooth Fairy Form Letter

Here's another gem from the late 90's that did the rounds. Haven't seen it since, and I thought I'd lost this one too - turned out to be on the same drive I thought was empty that turned up the flying instructions for the F18!! Anyway, now that I have children of my own, this letter below (click "read more") has taken on a fresh perspective.

Fill in where necessary

Dear :

Thank you for leaving [_] tooth/teeth under your pillow last night.

While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:

(_) the tooth could not be found

(_) it was not a human tooth

(_) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny

(_) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor

(_) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash

(_) the tooth did not originally belong to you

(_) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy

(_) you were age 12 or older at the time your request was received

(_) the tooth is still in your mouth

(_) the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit

(_) the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or were missing

(_) we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:

  1. [__] string
  2. [__] pliers
  3. [__] gunpowder
  4. [__] hammer marks
  5. [__] chisel
  6. [__] part of skull attached to tooth
  7. [__] no dental care
  8. [__] other: (specify)..........................................

Instead of the usual cash redemption, we have provided the following certificate which you may attempt to exchange at a retail store near you. Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future.


The Tooth Fairy


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