Pilot Philosophy

Know any pilots? Did you happen to marry one? (Poor you!!). Well these might help decipher the complex nature of Pilot Philospghy!

  • The difference between a duck and a co-pilot?

    The duck can fly.

  • A check ride ought to be like a skirt.

    Short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.

  • Speed is life. Altitude is life insurance.

  • It only takes two things to fly:

    Airspeed, and money.

  • The three most dangerous things in aviation:

    1. A Doctor or Dentist in a Cessna.
    2. Two captains in a DC-9.
  • Aircraft Identification:

    • If it's ugly, it's British.
    • If it's weird, it's French.
    • If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.
  • Without ammunition, the RAAF would be just another very expensive flying club.

  • The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?

    • If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies.
    • If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
  • The difference between flight attendants and jet engines:

    The engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.

  • New CASA motto:

    'We're not happy, till you're not happy.'

  • If something hasn't broken on your helicopter --it's about to.

  • I give that landing a 9....on the Richter scale.

  • Basic Flying Rules:

    • Try to stay in the middle of the air.
    • Do not go near the edges of it.
    • The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.
  • Unknown landing signal officer (LSO) to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt:

    "You've got to land here son. This is where the food is."

  • The three best things in life are:

    A good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.

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