Pilot Philosophy

Know any pilots? Did you happen to marry one? (Poor you!!). Well these might help decipher the complex nature of Pilot Philospghy!

• The difference between a duck and a co-pilot?

  The duck can fly.

• A check ride ought to be like a skirt.

  Short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.

• Speed is life. Altitude is life insurance.

• It only takes two things to fly:

  Airspeed, and money.

• The three most dangerous things in aviation:

  1. A Doctor or Dentist in a Cessna.
  2. Two captains in a DC-9.

• Aircraft Identification:

  • If it's ugly, it's British.
  • If it's weird, it's French.
  • If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.

• Without ammunition, the RAAF would be just another very expensive flying club.

• The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?

  • If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies.
  • If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

• The difference between flight attendants and jet engines:

  The engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.

• New CASA motto:

  'We're not happy, till you're not happy.'

• If something hasn't broken on your helicopter --it's about to.

• I give that landing a 9....on the Richter scale.

• Basic Flying Rules:

  • Try to stay in the middle of the air.
  • Do not go near the edges of it.
  • The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.

• Unknown landing signal officer (LSO) to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt:

  "You've got to land here son. This is where the food is."

• The three best things in life are:

  A good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.