It has been a while since the last blog entry and that is rather remiss of me. However, it has been a very busy year and it's not over yet. It all started when my wife found "a lump" which turned out to be breast cancer. Bugger.
So into the cancer fighting machinery we went and 9 months later the end is starting to materialise. A few more weeks of radiotherapy (after 6 months of chemotherapy) and then it rolls into annual reminders, sorry, check-ups. So much uncertainty.
This whole season in our life has caused me to seriously re-evaluate what is important for not only myself, but also my family.
Some tings became immediately evident:
- Little things are just that. Stop obsessing over it.
- Big things are often outside my control. So stop worrying about it.
- I have control of three things: what I think, what I feel, and what I do.
- My family deserve a better "me".
- I deserve a better "me".
On reflection I realised my life has been in somewhat of a holding pattern ever since I graduated from university in 2010. Before then I always had well defined goals. When I was in early primary school I decided I wanted to be an airline pilot, so I set out a series of goals all the way from primary school to my desired end state (long haul jet jockey). Each goal, when reached was a small victory that spurred me on to the next goal. Setbacks were just opportunities to find a different path to achieve the next goal.
When my flying career ended abruptly (check out cochlear otosclerosis) I quickly pivoted my attention to building a new career in information technology and management where it made sense to obtain some sort of tertiary qualification. So I spent a number of years part time studying. Again, achieving small goals always leading to a grander prize.
When I finally graduated from university I put my new-found skills to good use being employed by some of the best companies in the world. Climbing the corporate ladder has never been particularly enticing to me, so I've spent the last few yers consolidating my expertise and striving toward.... nothing! No goal, no plan, no bigger picture.
Having realised this rather profound truth, and only recently I might add, I became somewhat horrified at the time "wasted" in the last few years doing nothing in particular, but somehow always being too busy! Ironic really. Almost desperately, I decided I need a goal. I need to channel my energy, skill, expertise and passion into something. To my horror, I haven't been able to isolate exactly what that should be.
I'm realising, before I consider and settle on a new goal, I need to do some house cleaning. So here's what I'm stopping:
- I'm not going to sweat the little things (let's call this a work in progress ok?)
- Staying up late, then getting up early.
- Saying yes. It's either "HELL YEAH!" or it's "No".
- Avoiding social media as a distraction from more important things (anything is more important than social media).
More importantly, here is what I'm starting (or re-starting):
- Being kinder to myself; unrelenting standards are not beneficial.
- Taking time to be present.
- A reading list.
- Journalling (and blogging)
My goal right now is to share this journey with anyone who may find transformation interesting. Hopefully, someone may take solace and encouragement in their own journey knowing they are not alone.